Commitment-Phobic?

​What's coming up for me, especially after that dream I had this afternoon about working in a bar..... I realize I spent my entire life backing away from anything I ever endevoured!
I'd try something, or get into a relationship, and it wasn't for me.
Everyone said it was because of the child abuse I sustained. I feel, actually, that's why I TRIED a lot of the things I did, that clearly weren't for me.
I started to believe I was COMMITMENT-PHOBIC. I was criticized by a friend once, saying I never finish anything I start.
Does that sound familiar? I understand why now. Because nothing on this planet suits me; the only thing that suits me is lightwork because that's what I'm here to do.
So we have to go back through our histories and clear out any old labels, forgive those who accused us, forgive ourselves for not understanding ourselves. Of course we didn't. Who would've thought we were from other planets and dimensions? I sure didn't, not for a long time.
This whole process for me, of awakening, has been a process of first trying life on earth and finding it lacking, with my real reality breaking through at various seemingly random points.
I remember waking up one morning crying my eyes out saying, "I know I love somebody but I don't know who it is!" Obviously, looking back, that was Ivo but at the time wouldn't that have sounded rather weird to tell your friend?
The other thing I knew is that my "night life" was far busier than my day life. I knew I was doing something and it made me happy to do it. But that was while I was sleeping.
Another time, frustrated at my love life, I exclaimed, "The only man for me comes from another planet and flies a space ship!" That was the truth. I said it but I was being sarcastic at the time. But it turned out to be true.
I hope others' awakening process take less time than mine did. I hope this group helps you to validate yourself and understand what you're going through.
I never had support. On the contrary, I had a lot of people who thought I was nuts. I did this in spite of their lack of support and their attempts to get me to fit into their lifestyle.
That's why I write my books, BTW. So you have the lightworker's "owner's manual" that I never had.