Learning to Take a “No”
I'm interested in the fact that since I started doing personal channelings that the dislikes on my videos have increased. Not by much, but they have. Perhaps you are the ones who really need to hear these messages, not the people who agree with them so you're welcome to keep hating my video's. Or maybe you're one of my stalkers and you're pissed off that I keep blocking you and refunding your donations. Who knows? Or maybe you didn't like the comment I made about why I shut off comments on these video's. You guys know who you are. There are wonderful people who follow us and I respect and love you. Then there are the ones who are still argumentative, and frankly, I'm not a referee and I won't spend my time trying to settle arguments between you and the trolls. Everything you need to avoid arguing with a troll is in Ivo's words and on these videos. If you didn't get it, maybe you need to have a re-read. They're on our blog.
Is this “conditional love” and am I a bad spiritual person for setting my standards high and not being unconditionally loving? Yes, maybe I am. Do I care? No, I don't. Anyone can follow me the way I have this channel set up. You just can't pick fights with anyone anymore.
The thing is, with all the people in the galaxy who are unconditionally loving, so is everyone else around them. Of course, that's not the case here. On 3D/4D earth, being unconditionally loving is a far greater challenge than anywhere else in the universe. That's why we are being asked to forgive. That's Plan B.
Boundary violators violate boundaries because they can't take a “no”.
When I was in Codependents Anonymous, I was told to start giving advice in such a way that would make it easy for others to refuse. Why? Because this eliminates a lot of useless behaviours such as saying “Well, yeah, I guess I could use that,” then hearing the advice and never following it. Then the person giving the advice wouldn't get mad and say, “Why don't they ever do what I tell them to?!” It eliminates behaviours like going to your friends frustrated and complaining of other friends who never listen to you (gossiping), it eliminates behaviours like you stressing out, becoming insistent that others listen to you, it eliminates feelings like feeling unlistened to, feeling unimportant to others, and more. It stops codependent behaviours. And it makes relationships easier.
How do you have to be before you can learn to take a no, then? You have to value yourself because others won't always value you. You have to be strong enough to be the only one on earth who is willing to walk your own path, you have to be able to take rejection without beating yourself up, you have to be able to think of yourself and your worth as important without others agreeing with you. Because you get a bit of a self esteem hit, don't you, when you offer advice and people follow it? It makes you think you're smart, you're important, you did a good thing.
If you don't get any likes on your facebook post, how do you feel? Does it make you happy? Do you put others down for not agreeing with you or do you just say you liked your post and it works for you, or maybe there is a message in the fact that you didn't get a response, and you need to look at yourself and your intentions for posting it.
If you can like yourself in the face of total rejection by others, you're doing pretty good. You stand to learn more from your detractors than you do those who walk with you. I won't call them enemies because that term has to be eliminated. We have no enemies, only teachers.
You have to be able to believe all those things about yourself and to validate your own self esteem because others won't always do it. In my family, they did everything they could to destroy my self esteem. I had to rebuild it. I did that by going inside and learning that my best friends were in there. These people I talk to always have my back, always love me, always care for me, always esteem and respect me, no matter what I say or do. They always try to help me. And one of the people inside of me is me. So it's not a skill you really have to develop as much as something you have to remember. And you will be challenged to do so.
Being able to say “no” takes the giver out of a power over others situation and into an assertive power over self position. Because when someone says no to you, how do you feel? I think. “I'm sorry I couldn't help you, but it's up to you.” I also think though, “Don't come crying to me when your way didn't work. I tried to help you but you wouldn't listen.” The onus is on you to take the responsibility for your way of doing things. When I offer advice, I always ask first. If the answer is “No,” that's fine. I also have to decide if the person is going to do what they want to do and not follow the advice I offer them, then how is this going to impact our relationship? If they're not someone I know so closely, then it doesn't really matter to me.
The other thing that needs to be stated is there's more than one way to do anything. I'm now telling you how I did it. Take what you like and leave the rest.
There are some of you who insist that the only reason you're doing something is because you care. If you care about someone so much why don't you respect their wishes then? It appears your ability to care for me is only reflected in your ability to give or to do something, not to stand down when asked to. Maybe you need to work on that.
Some people argue that messages come in the form of others. Yes, they do. I get many messages through other people. Have I taken other people's advice? Yes, I have. However, when I specify I don't want them, particularly because I have a dialogue going with Ivo, my higher self Sigrid, Ashtar, and my Christ self Athena, and I can talk to God and Jesus any time I like. I'm surrounded by masters. So do I need the help of someone on earth? No offense, but probably not. Does this make me a snob? No. It makes me feel extremely fortunate that I have this level of help available to me 24/7.
So, no thanks. I use my own life's challenges to channel master level help down to earth. I know that what I'm undergoing is the same thing that many lightworkers and earthlings are undergoing and I need to keep channeling new information to earth because of it.
I'm not afraid to challenge you. You must know that by now. I'm not one of these people who is going to sugar coat the way I see things or say, “I'd better not say that. They might get offended.” If you get offended by what I say, then you need to look at it because you might be able to learn something. And if the only thing you learn is that you're following the wrong person, isn't that a great lesson to learn? Some of you will message me to tell me how wrong I am. No worries. I love you. When are you going to learn that nobody is wrong? Where you are on your path is where you are on your path, and you are always doing the right thing for yourself even if what it is is to eliminate that path from your most successful path in life, the one that gets you to connect with your higher self. I took lots of those. Like when I lived with a crack addicted alcoholic in Toronto for 3 years. That was the matrix's path for me but I got off of it eventually. If you look at things as wrong, then you'll just stay stuck because you're pouring bad energy after bad energy onto your wounds.
If you feel my saying this makes you wrong, that's not my intent. It's just that I don't want your advice. That doesn't make you less than anything or anybody. It's just not requested.
Me: Ivo, how do you feel about the word “no”.
Ivo: We rarely say it, my love. Often we have other suggestions that we put forth in a conversation or we work as a group to come up with the best solution.
Me: Okay, but what about if I said to you, “Ivo, you only sleep 3 hours a night. You really need to get more sleep.” What would you say?
Ivo: I would explain that I get as much sleep as my body needs. I would not say, “No, you are wrong.”
But yes, I realize that there is much ego esteem riding on the need to be right. And it is taken as rejection when one's advice is not followed upon earth.
Looking at others as wrong and yourself as right is the way to learn very little in life. It keeps you stuck in self righteousness. Do not make others wrong. Then you will not need to be right.
Ivo: I realize that your mother was such a person and she became very offended when you did not do what she wanted.
Me: So I would deliberately not follow her advice in order to piss her off.
Ivo: That as well. You have the rebel gene.
But you had to develop your own inner guidance because you saw your parents as being so flawed. So you became very introverted and you had us guide you throughout your life.
Me: Yes, I called it thinking.
Ivo: In fact it was us thinking, or putting thoughts and ideas into your head.
Me: Thank God you did that.
Ivo: You might consider, however that the people who email you with advice simply want to help you.
Me: I didn't ask for it.
Ivo: I realize this is important for you. To have control over who you correspond with. However they may simply be trying to help.
Me: For me, it's a trigger. The first thing it does is irritate me.
Ivo: Yes, I realize this. Perhaps it would be best to reply, “Thank you for your help. I see you are being kind. However I have my own path to follow and I will not be utilizing your help.”
Me: Then watch. Ivo, I'm trying to uncomplicate my life. Say that to a controlling person and you have a problem on your hands, believe me.
Ivo: You can always block them. But first you might look at the fact they are trying to help you.
Me: I don't need help. I've gotten this far on my own.
Ivo: Yes, you are a strong person.
Me: I realize that part of the problem is I complain about things. The reason I complain about them is because the challenges I face are the substance of these channelings, because I don't believe I'm different from many people. My stance isn't changed: Please don't send me emails for any other reason than the channelings and for them, use the form on our website. I'm trying to simplify my life, Ivo. And maybe you'd like to acknowledge I've always been highly introverted, insistent on doing things my way, and I've had loads of inner guidance. If that were not the case, I'd have married one of the potential handlers that the matrix sent my way, and taken my life off its best course even worse than I had at times.
If you people listening want to give me help, then you should've been there when I was living with Glenn. I would gladly have let you open your doors for me so I could stay in your home while I got resettled in Toronto. Then I could've used help. But of course, I was alone and had to use my wits to get myself out of that situation. And I did.
Which makes a good point. Anyone who's been through the shit I have realizes they can do a lot on their own. I've always done it my way and I will continue to do so.
Ivo: Very well. You do have a fear of being overwhelmed.
Me: Not surprisingly. God threw me in the deep end when he sent me here. I had to learn to swim from an early age.
Ivo: And you learned you already could swim.
Me: Yes. Babies in water already know how to.
Until you can say “no” your “yes” means nothing. - Anonymous
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