On Being an Empath
Me: Ivo, shall we talk about the biggest problem for empaths, which is FEELING OVERWHELMED. And I'm typing that in caps. I'm screaming it at you because you empaths KNOW what I'm talking about. That feeling of flopping on the couch with your mind going in a thousand directions.... just totally overwhelming and you want to escape your head.
Ivo: Very well, my love. We have touched on the empath subject before, and again just recently in a video, as your awareness becomes deeper, you can share more with those who listen to our messages.
Me: Yes. I'm on a learning curve too and the more stuff comes up, the more we have to share with people. I commented a few weeks ago:
“Being empathic and not realizing it creates a whole new scenario and can be interpreted as things like “social anxiety” like I just did. You develop a lot of avoidant behaviors because life gets overwhelming when you're picking up on everyone's stuff. When you're also an Indigo like I am at an earthly level, and you're meant to transmute negative energies, then you still spend your life running from negativity when in fact you're magnetizing it to you all the time. So the thing to do is to keep clearing your system, transmuting negative energies, clearing your air space in your home, and sending negative people white light for both your sakes. This will give you a break.”
Ivo: It becomes a lot more complicated understanding yourself as an empath, especially when one has been abused and is prone to maladaptive behaviours in order to protect oneself. Arguably, there is no protection from negativity because you are all connected through the earth grids. It is a question of continually clearing yourself and realigning chakras. Also understanding that the reaction you are having can be because of energies you pick up from someone emitting them, so empathy is very complicated especially on a negative world such as yours.
Me: You don't say?!
Ivo: LOL. I am saying, my love. I realize you are being sarcastic and this is your own reaction to look at. There is lack of acceptance in this sarcasm, you are angry about this.
Me: Yup. I am. It's something that has affected my entire life adversely yet I didn't know what it was. I just thought something was terribly wrong with me. It ultimately sent me to the shrink's office and got me put me on antidepressants. I felt everybody's stuff. I've walked beside people angry at their partner and when I mentioned it, they denied it. Everyone keeps telling you you're wrong but you know you're right. And eventually, both partners in that relationship cheated on each other. No anger there, eh?
I know who I can connect with more easily and who I can't. I get reactions from people like they're in a cardboard box lined with styrofoam from some, and from others there are no obstacles to connecting with them. You have to ask, though, do you want to connect with someone so energetically open? What ramifications will it have for you? I still rely on what I've learned intellectually to help me. Children tend to be far more open. Far more so, unless they have parents who caution them about everything and then you can sense their energy is contracted (they're fearful).
The guy who delivers my stuff from UPS I sense fear from because he's vaxxed and I'm not and I told him so. So he's confirming this by handing me my boxes at arm's length. I feel his fear of me and he confirms it through his behavior. I'm not scared of him, so it's not me I'm feeling.
When you're an empath, you know what people feel like. Their hell becomes your hell. Their stress becomes your stress unless you know how to deal with it.
Another problem empaths have, and it's a big one, is identifying which feelings are theirs and which belong to others. Maybe we can shed some light on this.
When you are talking to a co-worker in the office and she comes to you to tell you how upset she is that she has to leave her new baby with her abusive mother whom she can't stand, in order to earn the income to pay for her big city mortgage. If you're feeling anger, if you're feeling sad, upset, or some other negative emotion, you're feeling her feelings. If you feel compassion, even pity for her, you're responding to her emotions and you're in your own emotions, not hers.
Let's do some other examples, please Ivo.
Ivo: Of course. What about your neighbor?
Me: LOL When he complains about everyone in his family taking advantage of him. Yeah, that's like crying wolf, isn't it? He always whines that people leave their pop cans, bottles, and food leftovers sitting everywhere around him and they don't pick up after themselves. However I see loads of his sitting there as well, so obviously they're taking their example from him, as children will do.
Ivo: When you are finding yourself becoming upset with his children, when you are feeling upset about the untidiness of the house, when you are feeling overwhelmed and upset over this, then you are feeling his feelings. When you are in a response mode: When you have emotional distance, you can perhaps sympathize with him but also point out that his food and bottles are also cluttering up the table, then you are in your own mindset.
That does not mean that it is your job to always come up with a solution for anyone else's problems, because as you realize, when you solve others' problems, they may not bother to. So sometimes it is best not to do anything about them.
However, if you see that you are feeling and identifying with them, you are feeling their emotions. If there is no difference between their emotional state and your own, then you are feeling your feelings and behaving empathically.
It is when there is a different opinion, or even a mindset of “I don't care,” or “Can we watch something else on TV?” then you are not being empathic.
It is when you are feeling exactly what others are feeling, or at least similarly, and yes, this can be very overwhelming when others' lives are so fraught with problems, which at times are of their own making.
Often times, the empath must sit back and look at any given situation, then ask themselves how they feel about it. Do you really care about others' problems? Do you want to become involved in them? Do you feel as upset about the state of their problem as they would?
A feeling of distance is what you must strive for. Because the empath will align perfectly with the emotions of others and so, they are not in their own mind – they are of others' minds. This has its advantages especially when someone's motivations may be detrimental towards you, but in other cases it is simply overwhelming for your mind and your bodily state.
Me: I remember when I was dating. I would sit there and go with a date to a hockey game and sit there and get into it watching these kids play hockey. When I look back at it now, did I really really really feel this kids' hockey game was the be all and the end all I was feeling it was? No, but my date did.
Or when I was working, sitting on the subway thinking about poor Jill or poor John, they're always stuck working so many hours and they have a spouse and children at home. Perhaps they just happened to be complaining about that to me during the work day, but you're still worried about their problems as if they're your own.
Then what do you do about it? How do you forget about all the problems you encountered during the workday, sometimes none of which were your own? I used to find a thick slice of cheesecake and a flavoured coffee helped a lot.
Ivo: Yes, mood management through chemicals. And I have said to you so many times and you always say the same thing: “Micro of the macro.” You have learned to do to yourselves which is being done to you. You are being genetically altered through chemicals, be they drugs, foods, pharmaceuticals, alcohol and more, and you have simply learned to do the same things to yourselves as well. This needs to stop and you are doing so now.
Me: Yes. I'm just watching another Mayday. The pilots are in trouble and maybe their destination would have been closer to their current position than turning around and going home, but they chose to go home. That's what people do when they're in trouble: they go home. It's a natural reflex.
So what happens to the starseed who is stressed? They cannot go home because they know their home is elsewhere and while suffering amnesia, they don't relate to their home as such, as much as they do earth as being their home. So it's a bit of a problem, really. You can't exercise that basic function of running home to safety because you may or may not know where it is and even if you did, you can't get there anyway. So you do your best to try to feel at home in a world that is overtly or covertly hostile to you. You know it, you sense it, your body tells you so, and it's everywhere around you. Safety is very important but hard to manage, especially when on top of your own stress, you feel everyone else's as well.
You know home is not here, it's somewhere else, but you're stuck here and there are a lot of problems to deal with, and much stress. I've always used my apartment or the house I had as a place of sanctuary and I feel it's important for everyone to have their safe place to go to, especially if they are from the stars. That means, too, that your living situation has to be safe for you as well, otherwise, where will you turn to make yourself safe, even temporarily? Being a starseed has its innate problems, especially on this earth where problems are like pennies, cheap and plentiful. Going through the process of ascension is also very stressful because it's about giving up what you were and changing to someone you don't even know. So where do you want to do this? At home, of course.
In my search for a comfortable place, I have had 13 apartments and owned a small house once. That was my party house back in my 20's which I sold to move to Europe. I have been homeless for 3 months, living with relatives and then their neighbor when living with them became too stressful and I left. I have always looked for a safe haven where I could de-stress and it was difficult to find, especially when, as a higher consciousness, you tend to have chemical, noise and light sensitivities as well.
For those of us who went through child abuse, it is very imperative that you connect with inner guidance. That took a long time for me because I did things my way for so long, using my intellect to guide me. It took having a complete crash for five years – a kundalini awakening, for me to make that connection. So this is not a pretty scenario I'm painting and life here is tough. I find the people tend to be very tough, unrefined, and I picked up on a lot of that machoism as well.
Overwhelm I'm no stranger to. I lived not even on the edge all the time, I was over it, and it caught up to me. Although I don't envy those “Mayday” pilots or the passengers, I've had my rough ride of it as well. So I savor the peace and quiet.
That's what I believe we all need: time in peace and quiet. So we can re-center. And for the empath, time alone so we can actually determine our set point, let's call it, what we default to. It's easier to hear your inner guidance when it's quiet around you. I live by myself but if I were in a family I would insist on having quiet space to do my work.
Ivo: And of course that is why you must get together for your work, go to the office or to your job, and these are noisy environments.
Me: Yes, they are.
Anyway, I just wanted to make those points, Ivo. That it's absolutely necessary for everyone but especially the empath to have time alone in peace and quiet. You'd be surprised how you can thrive when there are few distractions and less energy of others around you.
Ivo: Correct, my love. Your people are out of balance and it shows in their emotional states. These are released into the ethers and picked up by sensitives and especially in large cities where much commerce is carried out, it can be a terrible environment for the sensitive empathic.
The correct manner of living is in balance with quiet around you. That is how we live out in the galaxy and we seldom experience stress.
Me: Thanks, Ivo. People need to know how you live in the galaxy so we can strive for the same here.
Ivo: I believe that to be true, my love. Peace and quiet is a gift few give themselves on earth.
Empaths Don't Want to Hurt Anyone
They don't, but they have to learn to stick up for themselves and put up with the reaction anyway.
Me: This is another thing I've found as an empath – empaths are very aware of the Law of One simply because they are empathic. They feel others' feelings and what could this mean other than we are all One? Why would I be able to feel other people's feelings unless I was allowed to by some cosmic law?
Empaths not only feel others' feelings but they feel them BECAUSE they understand that both you and they are aspects of God. So it's in being a part of God that we can feel others' feelings and hear their thoughts.
We are very aware of the Unity of every human.
I have been able to hear others' thoughts on occasion, but guess what? They weren't very nice, so I shut off that function. What goes on in others' minds is not something I want to hear. I may even do so at times without realizing it but I'd rather be ignorant of that fact.
It's enough that I can feel the sexual interest of a complete stranger as I walk by him. Not just once in day, but all the time. The guy on the old Harley who eyed me as I walked to Tim Horton's, and then the man sitting in the Swiss Chalet who was feeding his disabled wife her dinner. His eyes followed me across the room and his hungry energy just clung to me like the desperate man he was.
I have heard the thoughts of the fat shamers as I donned my bathing suit for a summertime swim.
I know what someone is thinking when he sits down to have a chat with me. I know this isn't just a social call – he has an agenda. You can tell who's just being friendly and who's got an agenda. The feeling is entirely different. You wish the friendly ones would stay, actually.
Try it out. Compare the last time you went to your dentist's office and spoke to the assistant, or went to a job interview. Totally different energy.
Compare the last time you talked to a car salesperson or went into the corner store to buy a newspaper.
By the way, there are many people who resent you for coming into their space, it's the empath who can tell you who they are. If they're at work, biding their time listening to the radio or texting, and you show up needing to be served, you'll feel that energy that says, “Oh, what do you want already?”
That's why being an empath can be overwhelming. You know how everyone feels about you before they open their mouth. You can also read faces very easily. All they have to do is open their mouths to confirm what they're thinking.
Think of how it felt when you went to see Junior's teacher about the bad grade she gave him. What energy did you pick up from her? Was she ready for a fight? Was she already on the defensive?
I say these things are very common, so common many of us miss them.
Have you ever had a conversation with someone who was entirely ready to misunderstand your intention. No matter what you said or did, they were blurting out angry energy at you? What did you do?
I've gone into the payday loan office and spoke to the office diva who put out the most condescending energy towards me. I was just a lowly borrower. I ended up going to their other office instead and speaking to the two friendly women there who were very helpful. Different energy.
Then there are the ones who are not so easy to read facially, but their energy says it all. They smile and speak politely but their energy is belying their feelings about having to serve you. Try not to take it personally.
The trouble is, you see, when you hurt people, you create bad karma. So how do you navigate around this exploitative planet, where people are used and things are loved, where the mark of a leader is how many people he can command, where the mark of a relationship is who you can dominate? How do you get around on a planet with dualistic values when you are naturally of unity consciousness?
Empath, how many times have you shut off your conscience, and by that I mean the little voice within you that says, “No, don't do that,” or, “yes, that's okay!” I hear my voice loud and clear. Loud and clear. I have all my life. It tells me when I am doing something that will have karmic repercussions and rebalancing will be necessary.
You know if you stick up for yourself with the neighbor who is stalking you, that it will start shit and so you do what you can to stay safe while you look for another place to live. You know he's coming over feigning concern that he missed your birthday (check my license plate, it's in November) and then he asks for a hug, which you know is only a precursor to his groping you the next time he's alone with you and drunk enough to try it. So you don't want to be alone with him anymore, but he keeps coming over because he knows you're not texting him anymore since he sent you that dirty text. I've been through this so many times. I know what comes next. He comes out of the house more and more often, just to spend some time with me and I'm uncomfortable. I know he's watching for when I come outside. You know what he wants and it's got “dirty sex” written all over it. You sense he's advancing his agenda and he can't take no for an answer.
His energy is exploratory.... “I wonder if she'll go for this...” You can feel him wondering why you won't speak to him and how he can re-close the gap, maybe even gain some ground.
Ivo says I can buy a baseball bat to defend myself from him. He doesn't want me to have a gun. One of these days he'll come over drunk and out of control. And he's way stronger than I am. You wonder who knocked on your door softly last week at 10 in the morning, and you hope it was your super, not him. I could ask who it was but I don't want to know.
You know who's going to become a problem and who doesn't have any interest in you. You can sense it. He always has been a problem, from day one. I've been riding on borrowed time here the whole time.
Empath, you really need to get your intellect out of the way, because it tells you that a 40 year old man wouldn't be interested in a 60 year old woman. You lie to yourself, empath. You lie to give yourself a false feeling of safety. You're a master of self deception because you don't want to hear what your instincts are telling you. That's another problem we have. Because it leaves us in situations that potentially may harm us.
You can tell when they're still invested in trying to compromise with or to change you, and when they have let go and don't care anymore. Energy doesn't lie.
You walk into a room and can sense someone's interest in you. You see someone you know casually and can tell if they've had a bad day or not even before they open their mouths and start complaining about it.
You can tell who enjoys their job and who hates it. The cashier ringing in your groceries. She's just miserable. It doesn't show but you know.
You know who's going to knife you in the back when you're walking away.
But you don't want to hurt anyone. You know it creates bad karma. What if people put themselves in a position to be hurt, like my neighbor is now? Yes, and what do people do when they're hurt – they strike out at you. Despite the fact they say they like you, they will try to punish you for saying no to them.
So you hurt them. You say “no,” I don't want to date you. You try lying and say you have a boyfriend and they can see right through that because you're a lousy liar, especially when you turn bright red while you do it.
It doesn't do any good to hurt other people because it hurts you more. Just like the parent who says to their child, “This will hurt me more than it will you,” this is your stance in all transactions. It's useless to take a hard stance with people because of their reactions, but also because you'll feel rotten thinking you hurt someone. How do you know you hurt them? If it's not obvious, you are an empath - you can tell.
You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. You have to defend yourself but you feel the feelings of pain and confusion of the man whose advances you're rejecting.
So you limit your interactions. What choice do you have? Because setting boundaries with others, as necessary as it is, seems like a no win situation for you.
Ivo and I speak very frankly with each other and it's because we know each other, he knows me very well. He also knows if I'm bullshitting, and he'll call me on it. I appreciate that because he doesn't get hurt, and he doesn't retaliate. So I can be honest with him.
You know if you say, “No,” you won't stay late to help out someone at the office, how disappointed they feel. You've let them down. That's what you walk away with when you finally get to go home at 5 o'clock. And you always care about others and how they feel.
You know who's eyeing you up in the office for a tryst, and you try to avoid them. When they keep coming around, not getting your hints, what do you do then? Eventually you bottle it up, and then just tell them to eff off and leave you alone, and then you feel like shit because you feel how hurt they were, and you know you let that little voice in your head – your conscience – down.
You feel guilty when the boss calls you at home after two weeks off with a bad back because you can tell she really needs you there.
You stick with a chiropractor who's not doing your back any good because you sense he's really trying to help you.
You know how the neighbors feel about you for standing your ground with them. They all hate you.
Well, the consolation prize: dogs and cats love you.
The easy ones to be around are the sociopaths who don't really feel very much at all. At least you don't have their feelings to deal with on top of your own. I suspect that's part of why I dated many of the men I did: they didn't have any feelings, nothing that I could sense anyway. They just didn't care. It didn't make for a good relationship, but at least you could walk away from it and not be entangled in others' feelings.
The one thing you can never say is that you don't care about others. You do, it's intrinsic. It's normal to care about other people. Empaths can tell when others don't care about themselves because they feel the drop in their heart frequency around them. All it takes is a self deprecating joke to confirm your suspicions.
You try hanging around with extroverts but then you're hit by the reality of their superficial lifestyle. They're not what you want in a friend either. In having everyone as their friend, they connect with nobody as well.
Wanting a deep relationship with intense emotions, but having to suffer the emotions of both parties is very hard to do. You understand how you have hurt others and it bothers you because you're not a sociopath.
I always have a good time with my ETs because they don't have the negative aspect to them that earthlings do. I can joke with them and have fun, even let them tease me and I don't react because that's all it is, there is no underlying intention and they're not part of the power over others system. A tease is just a fun tease. Here, a tease could be anything: a flirt, a put down, it could mean far more than it appears to mean.
Empath, putting yourself first is hard but it's absolutely important that you do. Even if it means transmuting the negative feelings of someone you've hurt.
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