Manipulating with Guilt
Me: Hi Ivo, I'd like to speak to you about this today, if you have time.
Ivo: My love, this is a good subject to go over in more depth.
Me: Yes, we've probably touched on it before. First of all, you have said before, and I want to repeat it, that when you feel guilt it's because someone is trying to control you. In the Matrix, guilt is used to control us, as well as shame, fear and doubt. There are more but you get the gist – these are negative states used to control us. If you're not pissed off at this, you should be. Anger, of course, being another signpost emotion that tells you something's wrong. Nothing more.
Ivo: But the fact is, now you do not. You may feel guilt or anger, but you use it as a signpost that someone is attempting to manipulate you. You use it to strengthen yourself, not to weaken yourself and to give in to their plan for your life over your own.
Me: True. The other thing that people may not know is with my mother I learned to read between the lines. I learned to understand what she was implying without directly saying so. There were times she could be direct, even cuttingly frank, but there were other times I guess she felt less entitled to her way and used manipulation in order to try to get what she wanted. The fact that none of us kids were allowed to say no without being punished for it didn't help. We had to learn to say no in obtuse, sneaky ways ourselves. However I outgrew that. I learned to be assertive.
Ivo: And all this has made you stronger. You simply say no when you want to. I would like to point out that one of the worst areas for this type of manipulation on your planet, is when people want to ask for something for themselves. Your abnormal feelings of not being worthwhile are causing you to ask in a way that is manipulative, and it is best to unlearn this and to step into better self esteem.
Me: There are a lot of people who try to manipulate me into getting me to provide them with what they want, many times a free channeling but they ask in sneaky ways. I've learned from experience that one channeling leads to another. There's no such thing for many people as “Just one” or a “one off”. They treat it more like they've violated your boundaries and now have access to the candy store any time they want. As if.
I mentioned the other day that I'm talking to Jesus and of course people showed up interested in what Jesus had to tell them.
My first inclination was to not respond but then I started to think the more loving thing to do would have been to tell them that he'd probably prefer they not leave broad hints in social media comments indicating you'd like a channeling done for yourself. The more respectful way, and more adult way, to ask for something for yourself is to ask directly in a way that the person can respond with a “no” or a “yes” depending on whether they want to oblige you or not. Saying, “Gee, I wonder what he'd have to say to me,” is NOT an adult way to deal with others. It's sneaky, manipulative and the intent is to control another without their being aware of it.
I'm all about people learning to channel for themselves. I see so many lightworkers waiting for someone else to meet their needs rather than getting on with doing their own work, that I just say no to everyone. Do it yourself. If that carrot is what is going to get you to get involved in your own ascension instead of waiting for someone to help you with it, I'll let you live with it.
I know it doesn't sound very nice, but people have to realize that they're here to live their own lives and engage in their own ascension process – not expect others to do it for them. The only reason you can't is because you think you can't. We're all here to become multidimensionals and you came here because you knew you could do it. When I see Rick Jewers posting that some have given up and are being soothed I see there are fails. That's unfortunate. It's do-able. If I can manage to change my life from hell, then others can too. That's what I figure. I'm the daughter of a narcisstic father and a histronic enabling mother, and I still cry over what I missed out on as a child. I've been suicidal, addicted, close to homelessness several times, and targeted by the dark and I still changed my life for the better.
Ivo: What you did was accept these things, attract better circumstances by healing yourself, and now you share what you have learned to help others overcome their negative circumstances as well. You are more and more powerful every day.
Me: Beating manipulation is easy. For one thing you have to understand what it is.
Ivo: Manipulation is either outright lying, or using half truths to achieve one's ends. Be it a need or a want, manipulation is a devious, cunning way to trick another into giving you what you want. It is not respectful of others and shows no integrity on your part.
Me: I think even my definition was milder, Ivo. LOL
Ivo: It is trickery. It is not a respectful way of dealing with another. Removing their right to say no to you by using methods of cunning is a draconian behaviour, and not one that the Light would indulge in. It is done to you all the time on earth, just turn on your newscasts, but that does not make it right. And that is the point that all adults must understand. Yes, children do it. They manipulate by being cute but they are children. They must eventually be taught to become assertive, for their own sakes as well as others. When you deal with people in such a disrespectful fashion, you incur negative karma.
Me: Yes, there are always consequences when you behave beneath the standards of Love. Can we do some examples, Ivo? Just so people know what we're talking about. And remember being manipulative can come across as very innocuous behaviour – it's not earth shattering but it's still not respectful of the one you're trying to get what you want from.
Ivo: There is your free channeling example. The correct way to find out whether you are willing or not is to ask you, “Would you do a channeling for me please?” but instead the requester asked, “I wonder what he would have to say to me?” implying that you are supposed to come to her rescue and jump in with a message.
Me: I just left it. But I'm even arguing with myself that the most loving thing to do is to tell her of the correct way to ask someone for something.
Ivo: Imagine that you all would hold others up to such standards, how quickly your world would ascend. Imagine.
Me: Yes. I also get people who ask me, “How are you?” This doesn't sound like the most horrendous thing to say to a person at all, but therein lies the trick. I can sense this person wants something and the usual response to someone who asks, “How are you?” is, “Fine. How are you doing?” Then they can dump all their woes on the empath (me) and walk away feeling better while I get to flounder in the negativity they didn't feel like dealing with. Not gonna happen.
Ivo: There is the other example that came up of people who say, “Ivo, can you discuss (a particular topic)” without acknowledging you. This is a power play, which if you comply would force you to channel for them without your consent. Because they are ignoring your part in the process. Obviously because you channel me, you are involved in the process of my replying. But when they go over your head and speak to me directly as if you are not there, this is a manipulation of you. In order for me to respond to them, you are compelled to do something that you have not said yes to.
Me: There was the time when I was a kid that even my parents stood up for themselves. They were willing to suffer being really uncomfortable, to stick up for what they wanted. And sometimes that's what you have to do. Awkward silences. If you keep doing what you've always done for the sake of feeling comfortable, you're not going to change. You won't gain more power. You'll keep feeling like you're being taken advantage of, and you'll keep giving away your free will.
As the story goes, they had some friends from the old country who would show up many Sundays at 5 p.m. And then my parents would graciously invite them to have dinner with us. Everyone had to do with less because my mother hadn't accounted for these unexpected guests, or as we used to call them freeloaders. This kept happening and happening. Despite having a telephone and to call and ask whether they could come, which these people never did, they would leave my parents on the short stick by dropping in unexpectedly for dinner.
One day I think it was my mother, had had enough. When they showed up uninvited at dinner time, she had coffee ready, sat them down in the living room, and we all ate in the kitchen without them. We never saw these people again. They got the message. What was so disappointing is that it was pretty clear why they were coming over. Not true friends at all.
I was amazed at my mother that she could stick up for us like that because she was generally a real pushover, being the victim/enabler/martyring type herself. I am still amazed at their willingness to risk being uncomfortable, and that's what you have to do.
Ivo: It was brave of your parents, and it does take strength to do these things. But for one's own sake, they must be done. There are much larger manipulations. But this entire subject has to do with your free will.
I have said in so many videos that earth is NOT a free will zone despite the many people who tell you so, because you are being manipulated in your lower mind and lower chakras to behave as negative reptilians would.
The first step in taking back your free will is to stop manipulating others and to stop allowing yourself to be manipulated by others. That includes your system, and that includes your friend down the street who simply assumes you'll do whatever they want without your saying yes to it. That simple but it is a major issue. Major!
That is why so many adults manipulate others. That is why they never learn not to. And that is why being assertive is so important. Because then you can exercise your free will and take back this world as the planet of free will that it was intended to be. Take your power back.
Me: I learned that if the person doesn't ask directly and is being manipulative, that the thing to do is to prompt them to ask a yes or no question by openly speaking about their manipulation attempt. Something like, “Oh. Are you asking me to channel Jesus on your behalf?” And then they have to answer yes or no. They may try to manipulate again, but ask them another such question. If they never get around to respectfully dealing with the issue. Drop it. Or just say, “You're not asking me in a respectful way. I refuse to deal with this any further.”
Me: Thank you Ivo. That was an eye opener for me too. I didn't even think of it like that. I love you.
Ivo: My dear. Thank you. I love you as well. Always.
Some advice for people who want to learn about manipulation and becoming more assertive. Do my free e-course on my website www.sharonandivo.weebly.com called “Stop Being A Victim,” or do some google searches to find free info on assertiveness and manipulation. There is loads of it on line. You're welcome.
Ivo and I will be going into more detail on manipulation, controlling behaviours, guilting, shaming, anxiety and more in a series of upcoming videos.
Click here to view my "Stop Being a Victim" e-course.
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