As for everyone telling me what a great person I am, please stop it because I'm only doing what comes naturally to me, and I really don't know what the fuss is about.
I get so many compliments and I can't even understand why.
This is who I am, this is what I do as a result of who I am.
I'm not perfect, I definitely have my shortcomings.
For me, it's confusing to have all this praise sent my way when it's just what I do. I don't think I'm exceptional. I see it as I'm following the dictates of the new world, and it just comes easy to me. There's no reason to fuss over it.
It also adds to the fact that I feel there's a chasm between me and you because you admire me so much. I like to think of myself as just someone here like everyone else, and when you praise me so much it makes me feel alone. It doesn't make me feel special at all. It makes me think I'm different again.
Where is my Higher Self? How Come I Can't Talk to ETs?
I'm going to try again to get the message through to you. Maybe this piece written by Cyndi Dale will help to convince you to start looking at yourself, and to stop blaming others.
Want to connect with your soul, your higher self? Well, here's what happened to it. That's why Ivo and I stress doing your shadow work - YOUR CONNECTION TO YOUR HIGHER SELF IS IN YOUR SHADOW, WHICH YOU STILL IGNORE TO THIS DAY IN FAVOUR OF INTELLECT AND EGOTISM. DO YOUR SHADOW WORK.
Most of us coped with our childhood difficulties by stunting, stuffing, ignoring, or hiding our invisible self-the self that:
• is sensitive;
• is vulnerable;
• wants to be loved and nourished;
• instinctively loves other people and wants to nourish them;
• understands animals, plants, and nature;
• is connected to the Divine Source (a highest power or divinity as you understand stand it), spirits, and the universe;
• knows the invisible language of the inner soul, of nature, and of the Divine Source; and
• is intuitive, can see pictures, hear voices, feel feelings, and know things at the deepest level of truth.
Cyndi Dale. The Complete Book of Chakra Healing: Activate the Transformative Power of Your Energy Centers (Kindle Locations 178-180). Kindle Edition.
How many times did you hear, “You're too sensitive!” I did lots of times. My family could not deal with my reaction to what they were doing. They thought it was better for me to be more like they were. As if. I was told all the time, “You're too sensitive!” because I would break out crying at what was going on in the family. My family's reaction is not only typical egotism, “Stop being yourself!” it is also mind control programming. People are mind controlled to teach sensitive children that they are fragile and going to break. They teach them to toughen up. I was living in such a macho family.
I had my father pull my face up to his face and tell me to smile, instead of crying. I wish I'd spat in his face but I didn't dare.
All of these things split off your soul.
Then there was, “You're crazy.” When you say things that do not fall in line with their controlling narrative, you are told you are nuts. This splits you off from the part of you that is truth oriented – your soul.
I used to hunt for scraps of love when I was a kid. I knew this was a very unloving place. When my teacher smiled at me, it made my day. When she praised me for a high mark or a good drawing, I was over the moon. There was no such praise at home, only when there were people around to impress with their normalcy, which was just an act.
I did instinctively love my father because he was my father but my father never touched me after I was a lap baby. He used to blow smoke rings from his pipe and I'd try to catch them, but I have no memory of ever letting him touch me after about 2 years old. This is probably because he would spank me and I tried to stay away from his hands.
There was no outward expression of love in our family. I was ridiculed for sitting on my mother's lap until I was 7, so I had to stop that. Anything they ridiculed me for, I stopped because I wanted to stop the ridicule. I had to go to a hairdresser because my father would ridicule my mother's haircuts and they were pretty stupid looking. I ended up getting better haircuts and something a little more in style too. I believe that this is where I got the idea when I was dating that I could make men be attracted to me or not by gaining or losing weight. I learned I was in control of other people's behaviour and I wasn't.
My parents didn't speak like normal people. The only way they spoke was by screaming and in anger. Ridiculing others, especially me and my older brother who is autistic, was normal. Calling people crazy, stupid, fat, ugly, also normal. It was a hateful place to grow up, and of course, the end result is you learn to hate yourself. So you have to turn it around. There is no other way. You have to face yourself.
Living with them was a nightmare. And I know some of you went through this now. If you try to tell your family that you can see things they can't, they'll tell you you're crazy. Why? Because their ego is telling them that they're the best there is, nobody is better or nobody can do anything better than they can and they know everything so if you come up with something new they'll tell you you don't know what you're talking about. This is gaslighting.
I was the one who always was with the dog and I could feel her love for me. My shame was so bad when I was about 10 years old that I thought my family should put my plate by the dog's bowl so I could eat like she was. I thought I was so low and not good enough to sit at the table with the humans.
If there was anything I was ever ridiculed for, I stopped it immediately, or if it was a toy, I distanced myself from the toy and tried to act like the toy was not good enough for me anymore. I also distanced myself from the person who ridiculed me. The only thing I couldn't stop was itching mosquito bites. I ended up with scabs on my body all the time, which I realize now is a mild form of self mutilation. You don't do this when you are your soul. You do this when you have developed an ego that hates itself because they hate you. Seriously, let's call a spade a spade. It's not that they liked the way I was. They only wanted me to change. I never got my parents' approval on anything. When I got good marks, it wasn't even noticed. When my brother got good marks my parents acted like a miracle had happened. He was so depressed, it probably was a miracle.
This is what this teaches you. It does not acclimate your children to life on earth. It makes them dysfunctional. What acclimates them is allowing their soul to shine front and foremost and if they need to, to learn to be forgiving. That way if people tell them they're a sissy that they can deal with it in the way the soul would.
When I was in grade school there was a retarded girl named Judith, and the nasty kids taunted her mercilessly. I learned there that you didn't want to be different. I was taller than even many of the boys then because I'm Dutch, and I learned to hate myself and my height because it made me different. I was very quiet and didn't say anything and that was to protect myself. I did that at school and at home. This is the way that starseeds and especially abused starseeds learn to deal with their vulnerability: they don't reveal it. They try to be as impervious to others' comments as they can, because other people's comments hurt the soul. So they just be quiet and become introverted. But they learn to hate themselves because they know they're different and they try so hard to fit in that they ignore their soul and split it off.
Every report card I got commented on how shy and quiet I was. You bet. I was already introverted and I wasn't going to start revealing the truth of how awful I thought I was to the world.
When I was 12, I started swearing. I was told women shouldn't swear but I did it anyway. By the time I was 14 or 15, I was already into metal rock because I was so angry, its low vibration appealed to me. I started smoking at 16, which is another thing that you can do to repress your emotions, drinking at 16 which I used to augment enjoyment as well as sugary foods. I copped an attitude at home and provoked my father into rages. I did everything they tried to stop me from doing. I was a rebellious teenager with a friend who was game to anything I wanted to do. I just never did street drugs. I don't know why but I stayed away from them. Otherwise if I wasn't supposed to do it, I tried it just to get back at my parents and show them what a bad job they did parenting me.
I stopped trying. I didn't do anything new because I knew if I did they'd notice and I'd be ridiculed for it. I had one hobby: reading. I used to go for long walks as well. I never asked my father for anything because I knew what he'd say. Only once I remember asking him to help me fix my portrait of Elton John for school. I couldn't draw hands and noses very well and I needed to finish my homework. I mustered up the courage to do it because I knew the portrait was good. He was civilized for once because this was art, something he wanted to encourage in his children. I could figure out how to kiss his ass too, but I never made a point of it if I could just get away from having anything to do with him. Generally, anything I tried was just an opportunity for more rejection, criticism and ridicule, so I stopped trying. I didn't do anything and tried to endure living with them by being by myself.
At 14 I had a crush on this guy at school. I told my friends that he wasn't at school that day because he'd broken his leg. I said tomorrow he would be back and then I would carry his books. They all laughed. Took it in good fun. The next day he was back to school with a cast on his leg. I walked into the stairwell to see him trying to balance his books and two crutches, so I said, “Here let me take those,” and I walked down the steps with him.
At 16, I got my driver's license and the matrix tried to kill me three weeks later. It's the first time I ever remember hearing Ivo and he probably saved me from a lot of injury. We only had lap belts then, not shoulder straps or air bags. Did I ever tell anyone that I heard voices talking to me? Hell, no! I kept it to myself. And that's how I became so introverted and super protective of myself. My father was more concerned about the car than he was about me. Being concerned for the children was my mother's job.
At 16, my father tried to strangle me. I dug my long nails into his arm and drew blood. He let go. I had to apologize to him for hurting him. What I've found out years later is that the victimizer will try to switch positions on the triangle and become the victim, and he did this, knowing I would fight him. So he got to play the victim for a change, a coveted position I always seemed to be acting out, like I even wanted to.
At 18, my father repaired my tire but didn't tighten the lug nuts up enough and the wheel almost came off. I learned to stop asking him for any help and went to my brother, who at least wasn't trying to kill me. The man was a certified psycho who my mother enabled. She wanted his money and she had amassed quite a bit of it by the time she needed it. That was what all the suffering was for – so my mother could have enough to live off of and move into an old folks' home.
At 16, I started working and the first thing I started to buy was stuff for my own apartment. I squirreled it away in my brother's and sister's homes until such time I moved out at 19. The day I moved out I told my father to eff off.
That's where your soul is, folks. In everything you repressed trying to adjust to your parents' and life's expectations of you. Maybe your childhood wasn't a matter of survival like mine was, but I guarantee you look back to every time you disagreed with your parents, or worse, that they disapproved of you. You adjusted your behaviour to suit them, I guarantee you.
When I was 30, I left town and moved to Europe, then came back to Toronto. When I was 40, I walked away from them. I never saw my father again and my mother only a few times. They made clear it was our way or the highway, so I took the highway.
After all of this, they had the gall to ask me once which one of them was my favourite parent. My answer probably surprised them but I told them, “Neither of you is.”
When a starseed is a being of love living in a loveless family like mine, having to learn survival – that life is a combat zone that you have to adjust to, it creates a lot of trauma. I started to work through it at 40. There was some times of decompression for me in my 30's because I started to realize that working in an office there were some nice people, even genuine people, and I started to realize that the war zone my parents thought life was was a figment of their imagination. I slowly started to change. One thing I had to learn was trust, but then I only trusted people at surface level. Even in my 12 step groups, how could I tell people I was a psychic because the whole room would've cleared. They didn't trust people either and had gone through similar experiences to mine.
I couldn't reveal the entirety of who I was. Now I can, finally but I'm very careful who I deal with now. I know there are haters who hit my website so they can call Ivo the devil's spawn, and who call me a false prophet, and I expect that it's not going to get any better when the TV station starts up, but I don't make myself available to the public. That's how I protect my vulnerability. I still get triggered and I use every situation to become more whole again. However, it can still be overwhelming, and that's what you have to prevent from happening to you. That's the only way, otherwise everything I went through was for nothing. I do my shadow work.
There are still parts of my childhood I don't remember. I have lost years between about 7 to 10 years old. My sister had filled me in on some of it but I don't spend time looking back to that point in my life unless there is a purpose in doing so, and that purpose is to understand the entirety of what's going on on this planet, and to encourage others to face their stuff. Yes, it hurts but it feels a lot better being whole. And that's where your multi-dimensional abilities lie – in your wholeness, not in your brokenness. Don't think the dark ones don't know that. They very much do. That's why society is as abusive as it is.
What I'd realized is that my inner voice mimicked my parents' abuse of me and this voice had to be silenced, especially the inner critic because all I was doing was continuing to abuse myself where my parents had left off. Of course, you become critical of yourself when you find that you're not good enough for your parents, and I had a very loud voice inside my head pointing out all my flaws. I just started by telling it to shut up. Now I don't hear it as often but when I do I realize I have to get my vibe up. The other thing I've realized is I had a habit of denying that anything happened that might have been part of the unacceptable parts of myself (which went into my shadow self, including my soul) and in not acknowledging them, I further repressed them as well. Ivo's attempts to speak to me earlier in my lifetime were met with this denial and what was typical was that beside the incident itself, there was no further action taken on it. That's what I did with my shadow: Ignored it when it wanted my attention. I was good at learning to ignore parts of myself that weren't socially acceptable. If you're doing that, you need to stop it.
The other patterns that have come out of this is a focus on only physical needs and a tendency to ignore emotional and spiritual needs. If your soul is in the shadow still then you will ignore your emotional needs because they link you to soul. You become focused on intellectualism. It's like you begin to manage your needs. They're largely physical needs you focus on, maybe intellectual needs like a book to read, but your emotional needs go unmet because they link you to your spiritual needs and you're trying to keep your spiritual side repressed because it's too woo woo for some people. You won't fit in that way. Well, you have to have the kahuna's to be different or live an inside life inside your home and an outside life, that may be a workable compromise.
The other thing you have to learn to do is embrace your vulnerability and take risks. Put yourself in a vulnerable situation and learn to trust your soul again. Because you were taught your soul is bad if you went through anything similar to what I did. It makes you see things that aren't real and that's not good. You have to fit in. You were taught to reject it because other people didn't like your soul's reaction to them.
In the type of situation I was in, that of the dark mother and tyrannical father – which is standard mind control – you learn to look after your physical needs, your emotional needs are reviled, and your spiritual needs are outright denied. Many of you still do this to yourselves. For example, you go shopping, looking after your physical needs, and you earn money, again, physical. Emotionally you allow yourself to be in unloving relationships that do not meet your true need of being loved but also of being allowed to love someone back. You stay with people who abuse you. And spiritually when any attempt is made on the part of your guides to get your attention, you deny it. You say, “That didn't happen,” or “That was my imagination,” because that's how you've been taught to see it. “I didn't just see that.” “I'm making this up.” “Yeah, these things don't happen to me, they only happen to freaks. Some people are just strange, but I'm not.” That's your doorway to your soul, yet you keep it closed up because you've learned it's bad. It's not bad. It's necessary. And you're using denial to ignore it. And then you go watch supernatural shows on TV. Go figure.
My neighbours do that. They watch all those shows about ghosts, or spirits as they call them in the business, haunted hospitals, all that stuff. Then I come over and start telling them about my life. I love it. I said, “You're watching it on TV. I'm living it.” That's the difference between people who focus on intellect and people who allow their soul back in their lives. And the dark ones will notice. They haven't killed me yet. I just tell them I love them. And really, they are a sign of my new wholeness.
Life still can be painful but I accept it as part of life. It's not as bad as it was when I was a child. My parents are both dead and frankly, good luck to them. I have written them off and told them not to talk to me telepathically. They haven't changed at all, of course. They have their own learning to do. That means they may go through the hell I went through in their home. Hopefully it won't be as bad as that.
That's where your soul went, and your multi-dimensional abilities – you repressed them to fit into this egotistical world. It's up to you whether you want to do the work to find them back again. I know some of you have had it worse than I did, so I'd rather see you heal yourselves. It's the only way, go through it. There's no reason to hate yourself – you're a victim of draconian programming. So were your parents.
LIghtworker, Light Warrior, Wayshower